Friday, November 02, 2007

Lamb or Pig

People need God that is for sure. God is good and while walking in his will everything is a divine moment. I had a 2 1/2 hour chat with a Christian on the way to Portland, we had a dialogue about the rapture and all that, but then we got into addiction and how to help people through it, the truth about grace and how repentance works, how we can remain sinning but not sinners, a million amazing things. He was flying back from a mission that he worked at in Mexico, some part of John Corson's ministries. It was Amazing, we got to sit across the aisle and just rap about God for the whole flight.

Addiction and sin: what to say, how do you survive your theology if you don’t receive immediate recovery and do not have to deal with this any longer? What did the Apostle Paul say in 2 Corinthians 12

7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Normally we take this as poor vision or some other physical aliment, because well it’s the Apostle Paul, he cannot be a dirty sinner. But isn’t it he who writes “That which I do not want to do I do, and that which I want to do, I cannot do. Who will free me from this body of flesh?” What do we think he is talking about? Why do we make his words into something other than what he says? He is saying that he hates sin but still does it, he wants to do what is good, and doesn’t do it, and aches for freedom. So what then, should we go on sinning so Grace can abound? Heaven forbid!

Psalms 97:10 Let those who love the LORD hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked.

And

Proverbs 8:13 To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech.

It is obvious that we have to hate evil to say we love God, but yet we will go on sinning. There is not one out there reading this that today, in this very hour have not committed a sin, that in and of itself would condemn you to a eternity of hellfire. Rejoice not in this fact, but the fact that you are justified according to the Spirit of God, not according to the flesh.

This is not to say that we should take sin lightly. What I am telling you today that it’s not about that sin, there is no one sin that you will commit that will keep you from heaven, what will keep you there is not relying on your salvation to come from God. It is not by works of righteousness that you have done but according to his mercy. Salvation is outside of time. It wasn’t a moment, now you have to live the right way in order to keep it. With all these things there has to be the counterbalance, and that is that if you are saved, if you have repented, that there will be works befitting repentance in your life, you will change, the scales will fall from your eyes and you will be a new man, a man of spirit and not of flesh.

God says he will give you a new heart and a new mind; your passions and reasoning. He has not yet given us a new flesh. We still have this dirty corrupted body with all it’s desires. Can and does God free us from our sins and addictions? Yes and amen, it is not always an overnight process, in fact when it does happen I will stand up and say that it was a miracle to build up your faith.

We’ll use me as an example. When I turned my life back to God June 23rd 2004, I was more than a pack a day smoker, this was only one of my more apparent vices, but it was something I asked for freedom in, in that instant that I prayed and those that were surrounding me in faith said amen, I was delivered. The addiction was gone and my flesh was healed. I could no longer stand the smell of smoking and it was no longer desirable. But that is not the only thing I was addicted to, and some things even now today I am not free from. God is doing a work in me and that area is much weaker in power against my spirit that they were. Do I still stumble? Yes. Do I still fall down? If only it were not so. Do I ever choke on the mud that I am breathing in because I cannot even look up I have fallen so deep? If only I could be freed from this body of flesh!!!

This guy I met on the plane told me a way of looking at it that Corsen uses. I cannot agree more, so I will use it. There is a difference between Sheep and Pigs, now besides the apparent; there is what occurs when they get dirty. See you can clean and lamb and you can clean a pig. When a pig falls into the mud it rejoices and wallows in it; when a lamb falls into mud it cries and it is bleating as if it were in immense pain.

See before our regeneration we are unclean creatures, we are pigs. As we go about our day when we encounter sin we rejoice and take pleasure in it. But now as regenerated creatures we are the sheep of his pasture. When we find ourselves in sin we bleat out in agony. We hate this sin we are in, even though we cannot find a way to get clean, we need our good Sheppard to restore us to cleanliness. So then I ask this:

Which is the lamb and which the hog? The well presented Christian that carries his bible around and makes judgments in his mind as to the hearts of those around him, or the meth addicted man that cannot control his desires to snort up but beats his chest in agony for freedom?
Brian did ask me though, if we are to apply this, how do we council those who are beating their chest. Through my walk and battle, I have in fact had a thorn of the flesh that has impeded my ability to serve in what capacity I thought was befitting, this was actually keeping me in humility and cutting down my pride, otherwise I would have choked on it. Needless, when I was divorced a year ago I was in so much pain and agony, I was face down in the mire and could not breath, I could not look upon the Lord and though I was learning about my addiction, I was not able to withstand even for a day against my addiction. I would come to my meetings and admit that I was nothing but a failure, and honestly was not ready to be saved.

What I did learn was this, in those moments that you aren’t looking for the fix, do your best to read that leather bound book that you see as your judge, it is judge but also lover. If you can just start washing, you will be progressing. As you learn to take pleasure in the word and in worship, your instinct will be reprogramming, each time you come to a point where you feel like you cannot take it, you will turn to God more and more, instead of that fix that is currently consuming you. But even if you’ve taken that fix 7 times today, if you hate it and look at heaven, no matter how deep in that pit you are, salvation is at hand.

We want these things to be in an instant, which they can but rarely ever are. They take time, and just resting in the Lord. What we need is not judgment, but people willing to carry this burden with us, those that are healed in this area. If I am addicted to alcohol, I don’t need to be talking about how much I love alcohol, because I’m programming everything into my brain, what I need is to be professing the Psalmist, of how I delight in the Lord. No matter how untrue it feels to say, make this your heart cry.

Victory could be years away, but even if it takes as many years to get out as it took to get in, is it not still worth the fight? It is and amen.

No man can judge the heart of another, we never no the state that they are actually in, but God is the judge and we are the servants. If we feel like someone is not doing what they are professing, it was given to us from above as knowledge, so we can help them, so we can come along side them and pray for them. WE ARE NOT TO CONDEMN ONE ANOTHER.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Finding Myself

So the last few weeks I've been getting restless. At first I began thinking that there was something wrong with me. That I just couldn't settle down and enjoy life for what it is. That I needed to stick things out and live with my life and make it work, but the desire to run has just gotten stronger. But at the same time I do not think it's a desire to run, as much as it's a desire to find.

Moving down here to San Diego was the worst, and yet the best choice I could have made. On the surface it is horrible, I'm not a good fit, I have to constantly bite my tongue and not get in arguments about every needless little thing. The weather is most disagreeable for me, all in all, it's not the life for me. I must do something different.

On the other hand, it did get me out of Portland, which although I love, was causing me nothing but pain and was my mire. I don't know how I've changed, but people seem to think that I have.

Also I have been desperately desiring love, which has completely alluded me. I haven't been able to figure it out, those close to me can only tell me to stop looking and it will come, that doesn't make me feel any better.

Maybe it's all good and not all bad though. I've been thinking about it, and really was just joking about moving back east, specifically to Boston, no reason, other than it's a liberal kinda place and lots of Irish people live there. So I was with some close friends of mine, and after some lively conversation about judgment from people that aren't really in a place to judge a situation, and completely fruitless in having the conversation either way... I was straight up challenged that I should find myself. To go on a pilgrimage, to drop it all and loose myself. In fact my brother in law said if I can name exactly where I would go, I should go.

Well I said it, I'd go to Boston, and find something, try and get on a ship's crew and get my bottom to Ireland. I'd really like to spend some time in the monasteries in Ireland and Wales, throughout the British Isle's and then into Europe. I don't know why, but I do.

So as we're leaving the restaurant that we are at this guy asks us how our day has been. We all gave the normal good, great, ect. He tells us his day has been hell. Apparently his house was lost in the fires, along with his Truck, and by truck I mean his Tractor-trailer. He's a truck driver and he wasn't able to evacuate his big rig when he had to leave. Insurance is covering it all, but if you know anyone who drives long haul, his truck is part of his being.

One of the guys says he'll be praying for him, but the guy kept going on and it was going to be rude to leave. I had already been prompted by the spirit and couldn't stop, I went and sat next to him, even though he was lighting up a cigarette, when I got the chance I stopped him, and offered to pray with him right there, which he was happy to receive. It was perfect, the spirit of God moving through me to call into this man's life the power of God. It's what I've been missing, it's what I've lost.

So long story short, I'm going to go on a long term pilgrimage/missionary trip that will last as long as the Lord leads, possibly for a few years. I need to find myself, but mostly I need to find my faith, and learn to constantly rely on the Lord as my strength.