Some of you might not know me so here is a breif testimony of my life
Well when I was 5 years old I prayed with my grandmother to accept Jesus into my heart, well because I knew fire hurt and she told me that was the only way I would not burn in hell forever.
But alas, I had really bad problems from very early childhood being exposed to pornography (not me, but seeing porn stars, and naked ones) in my house. Along with my parents getting divorced when I was 6 months old, and several other things.
When I was 5 years old I accepted Jesus into my heart under my grandmother’s direction. Nothing changed I said a few words and that was it. I was still living with my Dad and still in the same situation. At the beginning of summer after kindergarten I had a police officer hold a gun to my head and try and get information out of my Father. That is when my Dad decided to send me to live with my mom. From this point on I was going to a conservative Baptist church.
I moved in with my Mother and Grandparents for my first grade year. Although I was incredibly bright and had been able to read and write, and figure out simple math, I lost it. I couldn’t figure anything out. I was falling way behind in school and for about 2 months couldn’t figure out anything. I slowly started picking up language, although the problem there plagued me into my adult life. Math on the other hand I picked up rather quickly and speed through my math lessons. We had a at the child’s own pace for math at my school, by the end of Christmas break I was almost done with all the lessons they had for my grade level. They would have put me into the 2nd grade if it wasn’t for the fact that I was so slow at English. I finished about half of the 2nd grade math and got about as far as long division at the end of the first grade.
Then my Mother remarried. The person she married had three children of his own. Two girls, one was 5 years older than me, 1 was a year older than me, and a boy a year younger. I moved schools and moved in with them. I started getting bored in school because the math was being dumbed down now for the average student. By the third grade I was trading once a week chores for my oldest sister teaching me the algebra she was doing in jr high.
My Mother always had a fear of me failing and so would hold be back from success. So she would constantly keep me from doing things that I could feel like a failure at. She kept me out of the accelerated courses in grade school and many activities that I was interested in. By the time I got into jr high, I became so bored that I all but dropped out of school.
I struggled my way through high school rebelling constantly, not able to get my sin under control, not being able to ever "do the right thing" and at the same time feeling the calling of God to ministry. I finished high school barely with a gpa of 1.85, oh yea it was bad.
At 18 years old I was upset at God, and full well knew that I was doing a "Jonah" I joined the Marine Corps. The next three years I ended up in total depravity, even to the point of being a practicing Sorcerer.
I came to a total crash, kicked out of the Marines, loosing everything, and ending up back home in Portland. I repented that fall of practicing magic and lived a casual Christian life, but continuing in horrible sin. I went back to the church I grew up in which was a part of CBNW (Conservative Baptist North West).
On June 23, 2004 I came to total repentance and gave up smoking, sexual immorality, and various other sins. Over the last year God has been burning lots of sin out of my life and I am free of everything that I have previously struggled with, I have not arrived, but I am walking in freedom and holiness.
In late November I was invited to and went to a Messianic Congregation with some friends of mine. I really liked it but some of the things he said (I can’t remember what they are now) sounded fishy. The one thing he said that I can remember is that we still must follow the law. I “knew” that was wrong.
Well about mid January of 2005 I starting regularly attending his congregation. There was a big struggle between me and him a few weeks later over some of my theology and then to a greater extent my deep seeded rebellion. In one extended 3 hour meeting (most of which I was crying) he helped me break down lots of walls I had built up and kicked my butt (figuratively) all over the place and set me in line. Since then it has been a steep learning curve of who I really am, what I really like to do, and what I care about.
I am currently working full time at a steel and titanium foundry in Portland. I really enjoy my work (while I’m not there :p), but really I love the work. I am waiting on the Lord for that special someone, sometimes I get a little too impatient though. Learning how to really walk as a healthy Man of God is what I am working on right now.
But alas, I had really bad problems from very early childhood being exposed to pornography (not me, but seeing porn stars, and naked ones) in my house. Along with my parents getting divorced when I was 6 months old, and several other things.
When I was 5 years old I accepted Jesus into my heart under my grandmother’s direction. Nothing changed I said a few words and that was it. I was still living with my Dad and still in the same situation. At the beginning of summer after kindergarten I had a police officer hold a gun to my head and try and get information out of my Father. That is when my Dad decided to send me to live with my mom. From this point on I was going to a conservative Baptist church.
I moved in with my Mother and Grandparents for my first grade year. Although I was incredibly bright and had been able to read and write, and figure out simple math, I lost it. I couldn’t figure anything out. I was falling way behind in school and for about 2 months couldn’t figure out anything. I slowly started picking up language, although the problem there plagued me into my adult life. Math on the other hand I picked up rather quickly and speed through my math lessons. We had a at the child’s own pace for math at my school, by the end of Christmas break I was almost done with all the lessons they had for my grade level. They would have put me into the 2nd grade if it wasn’t for the fact that I was so slow at English. I finished about half of the 2nd grade math and got about as far as long division at the end of the first grade.
Then my Mother remarried. The person she married had three children of his own. Two girls, one was 5 years older than me, 1 was a year older than me, and a boy a year younger. I moved schools and moved in with them. I started getting bored in school because the math was being dumbed down now for the average student. By the third grade I was trading once a week chores for my oldest sister teaching me the algebra she was doing in jr high.
My Mother always had a fear of me failing and so would hold be back from success. So she would constantly keep me from doing things that I could feel like a failure at. She kept me out of the accelerated courses in grade school and many activities that I was interested in. By the time I got into jr high, I became so bored that I all but dropped out of school.
I struggled my way through high school rebelling constantly, not able to get my sin under control, not being able to ever "do the right thing" and at the same time feeling the calling of God to ministry. I finished high school barely with a gpa of 1.85, oh yea it was bad.
At 18 years old I was upset at God, and full well knew that I was doing a "Jonah" I joined the Marine Corps. The next three years I ended up in total depravity, even to the point of being a practicing Sorcerer.
I came to a total crash, kicked out of the Marines, loosing everything, and ending up back home in Portland. I repented that fall of practicing magic and lived a casual Christian life, but continuing in horrible sin. I went back to the church I grew up in which was a part of CBNW (Conservative Baptist North West).
On June 23, 2004 I came to total repentance and gave up smoking, sexual immorality, and various other sins. Over the last year God has been burning lots of sin out of my life and I am free of everything that I have previously struggled with, I have not arrived, but I am walking in freedom and holiness.
In late November I was invited to and went to a Messianic Congregation with some friends of mine. I really liked it but some of the things he said (I can’t remember what they are now) sounded fishy. The one thing he said that I can remember is that we still must follow the law. I “knew” that was wrong.
Well about mid January of 2005 I starting regularly attending his congregation. There was a big struggle between me and him a few weeks later over some of my theology and then to a greater extent my deep seeded rebellion. In one extended 3 hour meeting (most of which I was crying) he helped me break down lots of walls I had built up and kicked my butt (figuratively) all over the place and set me in line. Since then it has been a steep learning curve of who I really am, what I really like to do, and what I care about.
I am currently working full time at a steel and titanium foundry in Portland. I really enjoy my work (while I’m not there :p), but really I love the work. I am waiting on the Lord for that special someone, sometimes I get a little too impatient though. Learning how to really walk as a healthy Man of God is what I am working on right now.
posted by Zack Dawley at 8:18 PM
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